Building Trust in Me 


Seven  years ago, this little $9 phone was my lifeline for an entire year.  When I found it this week, a flood of emotions came as memories rushed to greet this old friend. You see, this little phone helped me to start believing in myself again. 

 The 2 1/2 years following my lovely mother’s earthly departure, I lost 8-10 phones.  I lost so many, my phone carrier cancelled my insurance and I started to buy these cheap dealios. During that time I was also leaving my debit and credit cards everywhere: Gas stations, grocery stores, retail, fast foods joints, but God led me to find those cards every single time. My phones were not so lucky. 

A dear friend ( who is ultra neat, careful, together) told me that when her Mom died she found herself uncharacteristically absentminded.  BUT, I was already the absentminded professor, so this new forgetfulness was on steroids.  The vast chasm that my Mom left behind in my heart and mind made me lose my bearing. I was in an altered universe and maintaining sound footing became my constant survival focus.  I was adrift at times and it found hard to make decisions – like my compass was off and needed recalibrating.  I don’t know how I managed looking back , because I was consulting and had 2 small children. But I heard God say, try to keep your phone for a year. 

So I got this little phone-the same brand that I had  bought a few times before and I found that I had kept it for 3 months. Then this extended to 6 months.   Folks were giving me the side-eye  or arched eyebrow, when I pulled out this phone.  My kids begged me to get a new phone. But I  wanted to be faithful with THIS phone as directed.   When  I had finally kept it for a full year, I was euphoric because I realized that a bridge had been built to connect me to normal mindfulness. I could trust “ME” again. (But God’s faith in me was sure) 

I replaced that cheap phone with a better one, and was able to keep it until I upgraded again. I know it may appear slight,  but this small feat leveraged my confidence in a BIG way! As Ben Franklin said “Small strokes fell great oaks.” God truly had delivered me in this area and my trust in me had a sure footing because it was rooted in Christ.  

Lord knows, my confidence has wavered (does waver) and taken some brutal hits many times since then. But seeing this little cell phone was like God sending a message from the past of His great faithfulness and love for me. Just like mustard seed faith can move mountains, in His economy, “my little” becomes much in His hands!   

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s